When they say sorry is the hardest word, I can't really relate to it because I'm quick to apologize. However, the hardest word for me is NO! Yes, saying no or to decline something is what I'm not really good at and this has affected me badly. High blood pressure just to name a few. I have anxiety but it is not as severe because my anxiety starts to kick in whenever I'm under so much pressure.
People having high hopes and I have high hopes for myself. It is not easy to say no to people when they have so much hope, I can't say no to someone who has been working so hard to find a sponsor and asked me to help promote things that they've worked hard for. I can't say no to people who told me that there is no else that can help them other than me. How can say no to someone who believes that I have the expertise that they're looking for? There are so many reasons that make me unable to decline whenever seeking my assistance.
Because in my mind whenever I declined, I have this small voice inside my head telling me that I'm being a brat by not wanting to do extra work or not helping other or be a team player. The voice is a familiar voice and it is not mine but the people around me. I feel like they all have something negative to say about me. I mean I could be a bit paranoid but there are some truth to it. I'm not saying that I know the people around me exactly but I have some ideas. So if I do decline their request, I know they will think that I'm just making up excuses and being lazy when the truth is I just know my capabilities and what they want from me is something beyond what I can do.
So recently I've been having bad headaches and my eyes are red. I went to the doctor today and he said that my blood pressure is high. He doesn't recommend me to take meds because I'm still young and he wants me to exercise more and live a healthier lifestyle. As easy as it sounds, there are many factors that deter me from having a quality life which I'm not going to discuss here but do know that money makes the world go round. Now what I can do is to try to do the best that I can and hope for the best. If I broke down along the process, I'll take is fate that is meant to be.
P/S: I'm not sure if I can say No now or whenever.