What is merdeka anyway? I'm not asking about a state being independent or whatever but I'm asking it in general. What is merdeka? For me, merdeka is when you are free to and be who you are. Free to express and tell people who you are as an individual. That's my understanding of what merdeka is for a person.
Based on my own definition, I can say that I'm not as merdeka as I wish or want to be. I'm still afraid to express what I'm feeling inside and people seems to be taking advantage of that. The only place I allow myself to pour my heart out is here and I can tell that no one has been reading this (especially the people I wrote about) because they clearly not getting the memo and keep on doing the same shit over and over again.
Merdeka? I wish I'm able to express whatever in my head to them but I don't have the courage to do so because I hate confrontation because I'm not good at using the right word when confronting people. I always say something hurtful and I don't want to her their feelings. So I was hoping that they would just come here and read about my feelings.
Today is Merdeka and I have to deal with the same old shit again. People around are being so casual about disrespecting my time and I'm actually done talking about it and what hurt me the most is that they take it so lightly and act like it is not a big deal and I'm being such a drama queen. Plus what makes me even sadder is that they can just move on with life and not feeling any form of remorse or sorry for wasting people's time and let me remind you that these people are very close to me. I'm hurt! All their promises of want us to look out each other still echoing inside of my head because I'm holding dearly to their promises.
But for them, promises are just words that you can utter whenever you something to be in your way. Wow it is that easy right? So what all this got to do with merdeka? Nothing actually, I'm just looking for another excuse to rant about things that happened in my life atm. Shitty!
P/S: Don't take the silence of a cheerful person for granted.