Song Of The Week: Buses And Trains - Bachelor Girl
Reflecting on Aging, Single Life, and Starting Over Through Bachelor Girl’s 90s Classic
If you grew up in the late '90s, chances are Bachelor Girl’s "Buses and Trains" was a staple on your radio.
I’ve always loved the song for its acoustic bounce and soaring vocals, but lately, it came back into my life at a moment when I needed it most. Listening to Tania Doko sing about stepping out into the world, taking hits, and trying to navigate the messiness of life hits completely differently in your mid-30s.
It’s no longer just a nostalgic 90s pop-rock bop, it’s an anthem for anyone navigating adulthood without a safety net.
Walking the World Without a Map: Losing My Father at 23
The core premise of "Buses and Trains" revolves around the pain of learning life’s hardest lessons the hard way, stepping out the front door, getting bruised by reality, and wishing you had someone to warn you or pick you up when you stumble.
That theme hits painfully close to home for me. I lost my father when I was just 23 years old.
At 23, you’re standing right at the threshold of real adulthood. You’re supposed to be stepping out into the world, making big decisions, and building a career. Losing my dad at that crucial juncture meant stepping into adulthood completely blind, without a father figure to guide me through the dark, offer wisdom, or simply sit me down and reassure me that "everything is going to work out well."
The 35 Shift: Comparing Lifelines and Timelines
Now, I’m 35 years old and I’m still out here figuring life out day by day.
What makes being 35 so surreal is looking back at my father's timeline. My dad married when he was only 21. By the time he was 38, he had already welcomed five children into the world with me being the fifth and youngest.
Looking at where he was in his late 30s compared to where I am at 35 triggers a deep, quiet existential reflection. In an era where society constantly tells us where we should be in terms of career, family, and stability, navigating life as a single adult without that paternal guidance can leave you feeling lost.
You catch yourself wishing for just a little more time with him. Not just for the big milestones, but for the quiet conversations where an older, wiser voice tells you that it’s okay not to have every single piece of the puzzle solved yet.
Finding Solace in the Journey
Bachelor Girl sang: "Hey mom, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you teach me a thing or two?"
We don't always get to have those final conversations, nor do we get a manual for how to navigate adulthood. But "Buses and Trains" reminds us that getting bruised, feeling lost, and starting over isn't a sign of failure it’s just the cost of living and growing.
Even without a father figure to walk beside me, the journey continues. And maybe, figuring life out at 35 is proof that we’re stronger and more resilient than we give ourselves credit for.
Did you lose a parent early in your adulthood too? What songs help you process grief, nostalgia, and finding your way in life? Let’s chat in the comments!
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