Throwback Thursday: Diari Seorang Pemarah

https://youtu.be/udvOtSEbbyE

Hi, harini I nak throwback something yang honestly... I'm not proud of.

I'm not sharing this sebab nak bangga dengan perangai lama I. Jauh sekali nak jadikan alasan untuk marah-marah. I cuma rasa bila kita dah besar, it's important to look back and acknowledge who we were and how much we've changed.

Kalau korang kenal I sekarang, mesti susah nak percaya.

But between the ages of around 10 to 17 years old...

I was an angry kid.

Like... really angry.

And unfortunately, my anger wasn't just verbal. Sometimes, it got physical too.

I still remember masa sekolah rendah dulu, I pernah libas classmate guna tali ikat buku teks.

Mind you...

I was a pengawas.

The irony.

Lepas tu ada sekali, I balik rumah and somehow terkunci dekat luar. Entah kenapa masa tu I was so mad sampai I cabut handle skuter dekat luar rumah and used it to bash the tombol pintu.

Thinking back... memang tak masuk akal.

Then masa sekolah menengah, ada pula incident dengan senior yang basahkan uniform sekolah I yang dah siap gosok elok-elok. Masa tu I dah hilang sabar sangat sampai almost libas dia guna rantai besi.

Nasib baik orang sempat tahan.

Bila fikir balik sekarang...

Ya Allah.

Macam mana fius aku cepat terbakar dulu?

The funny thing is, I don't even remember what made me that angry all the time. I mean I was still a kid no?

Maybe hormones.

Maybe stress.

Maybe I simply didn't know how to process my emotions.

Whatever the reason was, I know one thing for sure...

That version of me isn't someone I want to become again.

Nowadays?

I'm very different.

I jarang sangat marah. Honestly, I can't even remember the last time I completely lost my temper.

Kalau orang marah I dulu, yes... I boleh marah balik.

But most of the time, I choose to walk away.

Not because I'm avoiding conflict.

Not because I'm weak.

But because I know myself.

I know what happens when I let my anger take over.

So I'd rather leave the situation, calm myself down, and only come back when my head is clear.

Biarlah orang kata kita lari daripada masalah.

Biarlah orang kata kita pengecut.

They don't have to live with the consequences of our actions.

We do.

As someone who used to struggle with anger, that's probably the biggest lesson I've learned.

You don't always have to win the argument.

Sometimes, the biggest victory is simply walking away before you become someone you'll regret.

So, untuk semua yang tengah bergelut dengan anger issues...

Daripada balas, jalan dulu.

Daripada menyesal, bertenang dulu.

Tak salah pun ambil masa untuk cool down.

Trust me.

It's much better than explaining your actions at the police station.

Jangan sampai kita masuk penjara, okay? 😂