The Reality Hits
- Faiz Faisal
- 2 days ago
- 2 min read
When Reality Hits: Am I Really This Old?
I think reality finally hit me.
I’m in my mid-30s now… halfway to my 40s. And for the longest time, it didn’t feel that serious. It was just a number. Just another birthday. Just another year added to the list.
Until recently.
I was visiting a friend’s house, and we started talking about things like house renovations, where their kids are going to school, long-term plans… you know, adult stuff. And in that moment, it hit me like a truck.
Damn. I’m that age now.
I mean, it’s not like I didn’t already know. I’ve had this realization quietly sitting at the back of my mind for a while. I’m already a grandfather. My niece has two children of her own. Life has clearly moved forward.
But still… something doesn’t match.
Because deep down, I still feel like a kid.
The Version of “Adults” I Grew Up With
When I was younger, I used to look at people in their 30s and think, “Wow, they’ve got everything figured out.” They seemed stable, mature, grounded. Like they knew exactly what they were doing.
Now I’m 35.
And I’m still figuring things out.
I still get lost in my own thoughts. I still imagine things in my head like a kid daydreaming. I still don’t always feel like I can hold those “serious adult conversations” the way I thought I would by now.
So what happened?
Should I Be Scared?
There’s a part of me that wonders—should I be worried?
Am I behind?
Am I not “adult enough”?
Am I supposed to feel different by now?
I keep asking myself if I should start acting my age. But then I pause and think… what does that even mean?
Does acting your age mean being serious all the time?
Having everything figured out?
Not feeling lost anymore?
Because if that’s the case, I don’t think anyone truly qualifies.
Maybe We’re All Just… Learning
The more I sit with this feeling, the more I realise something.
Maybe adulthood isn’t about suddenly becoming this fully-formed, confident, all-knowing person.
Maybe it’s just about continuing to grow—while carrying a younger version of yourself along the way.
Maybe those people I looked up to when I was younger?
They were figuring things out too.
They just looked like they weren’t.
Final Thoughts
So here I am. 35. Still learning. Still questioning. Still feeling like a kid sometimes.
And maybe… that’s okay.
Maybe I don’t need to rush into becoming someone I think I’m supposed to be. Maybe I just need to keep showing up, keep growing, and trust that I’ll find my version of “adulting” along the way.
But I won’t lie—I’m still figuring out how to act my age.
If anyone has the answer… please let me know. 😅
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