I’ve had it with the constant back-and-forth game of telling people how I feel, especially at work. You know that whole "open-door policy" management preaches? It's supposed to make you feel like you can go in and share your struggles, express your emotions, and maybe even get some help. In theory, it sounds perfect. But the reality? It’s far from that. Every single time I’ve tried to open up about my challenges at work, the narrative gets twisted, flipped, and spun in such a way that suddenly I’m the problem.
I don’t know what’s worse: the fact that I fall for it every time, thinking maybe this time they’ll actually care, or the overwhelming frustration of being made to feel like my emotions are unnecessary. It’s almost like they’re saying, “Why are you even bothered? You’re overreacting. Just suck it up.” And then you’re left standing there, questioning if maybe they’re right. Maybe I am overreacting? Maybe I shouldn't be feeling this way at all?
It’s gotten to a point where I just can’t be bothered anymore. I’ve grown tired of having to explain why I feel what I feel. Why should I explain it? It’s not like they listen, anyway. If anything, it just makes things worse, as if opening up makes me weaker in their eyes. Instead of seeing someone asking for help, they see someone complaining. And instead of offering solutions, they shove the issue right back in your face, making you feel like you're the problem that needs fixing.
I used to try to share. I’d go into meetings, emails, or one-on-ones thinking, “Okay, this time, they’ll get it. This time, I’ll be heard.” But nope. The second I start talking, they twist my words, invalidate my feelings, and make it seem like I’m the unreasonable one. And for what? For actually caring enough to bring something up? For wanting to do my job without being overwhelmed by unnecessary nonsense?
Now, I just keep it to myself. There’s no point in sharing how I feel anymore. I’ve become numb to it. If things get bad enough, I just move on. Another job, another boss, another “open-door policy” that isn’t really open. It’s a cycle I know all too well, but it’s better than wasting my breath on people who don't actually care.
It’s different with family or friends. I can handle emotions in personal relationships because there’s a genuine understanding there. But work? It's become this place where expressing emotions feels like a setup—a trap where I end up being the problem every single time. And honestly? I’m done playing that game.
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