Tuesday Tea: An Eye For An Eye

I Can Only Be Mad at People Who Are Mad at Me

Here’s something I’ve realized about myself:

I can only get mad at someone if they’re already mad at me.

Weird, right? But it’s true. Even when someone clearly does me wrong—hurts me, disrespects me, or disappoints me—I struggle to express that anger if they’re not upset with me first.

As long as they’re calm, kind, or acting like nothing’s wrong, something inside me holds back. I just don’t feel "right" being mad at someone who’s not being mad at me. So instead of confronting the issue, I usually stay quiet, suppress the feelings, and tell myself, “It’s not worth it.”

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When Silence Builds Up

But let’s be honest—feelings don’t just disappear. They build up.

And when I’ve had enough, when I really can’t contain it anymore… I start to act out.

Not in explosive, dramatic ways, but in little shifts—changes in my tone, distance, less engagement, colder replies.

It’s like I’m subconsciously hoping the other person will sense something’s off, get upset with me, and then finally—I have a reason to be mad.

Now that they’re angry too, now that the balance is "restored", I can finally express everything I’ve been bottling up.

I know it’s not healthy. I know it’s not ideal communication.

But that’s just how my emotional wiring seems to work.

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Why Am I Like This?

I’ve asked myself this so many times.

Maybe it’s a fear of conflict.

Maybe it’s the people-pleaser in me.

Maybe I associate anger with guilt—like I don’t have the right to be mad unless someone has already "given me permission" by being mad at me first.

Whatever the reason, it’s part of how I function emotionally, and while I’m becoming more aware of it, I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with it better.

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Are You the Same?

Have you ever felt like this?

Like your anger only feels "valid" when it’s mutual?

That you’re more comfortable being hurt than confronting someone who hasn’t raised their voice first?

If yes—then hey, you’re not alone.

And if not, maybe this gives you some insight into how people like me think.

We’re not avoiding conflict because we don’t care.

We’re avoiding it because we feel like we don’t have the right to start it.

Even when we’re hurt.

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Final Thoughts

I know I need to work on this.

Learning how to stand up for myself, even when no one’s angry with me.

Learning that I don’t need someone else’s anger to validate my own.

That my feelings are valid—even in silence.

But for now, I’m just putting this out there in case anyone else feels the same way.

You’re not crazy. You’re just human.